So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
