a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
