I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
