i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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