I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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