i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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