the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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