Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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