Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
