Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
