I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize