My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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