Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
