i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
