My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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