I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
