There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
