Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
