ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
