so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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