i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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