thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nutella sex= disaster
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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