rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
