So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
