OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize