so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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