you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize