Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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