I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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