Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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