I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
