We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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