i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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