do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
that may or may not have been my penis.
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