Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
