Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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