hell yes lets make some ravioli
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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