Those balls look pretty dangerous.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
