Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
