covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
