I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
