Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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