nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
