Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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