i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize