where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
