Dual....:-)
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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