can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
