Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize