best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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