i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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