Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
