The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
