bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
