Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
