They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I smell stomach acid.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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