someone threw a dead crab at me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
