just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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