I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
