i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
