this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
