The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
