Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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