the day after is always just damage control
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
