dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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