i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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