Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
