he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
